she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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