Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Buhtt sex?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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