Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
