We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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