none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
