we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
