no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
