It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
