you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
