I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
