Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
