i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
