My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
