I got chris browned last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There r osticjed everywhere
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
