found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
