I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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