At least make sure they are 18
Why
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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