I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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