if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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