yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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