I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
