he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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