I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
