wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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