I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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