K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
