so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
