I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Plan B is the new Plan A
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
