it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize