After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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