I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize