There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
