Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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