I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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