Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Betty ford says i'm here all night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
