im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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