I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
