I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
