he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
