soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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