my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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