I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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