I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
