I think my vagina is haunted
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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