I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize