bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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