That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
