dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
