I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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