I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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