Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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