my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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