So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
