i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
