1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
