let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
