and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
