Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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