just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
