Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
