just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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