He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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