Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
