ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
