i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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