i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
