I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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