Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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