it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize