I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
