i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Two words: nipple clamps
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