WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
