naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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