on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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