I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
