My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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